So I went to work today, ready to quit. I was talking to Kat this morning, and she let me know how shit I am treated there and how close me and Jarrod used to be as friends, and now it feels like every time he talks to me he is just being a total wanker. I miss the old Jarrod! The one that used to ring up just to see what I was doing, and to tell me he spent all night at work watching home and away and shortland street with the locals because it was so quiet. Jarrod, if you ever read this, which I am hoping you wont, but if you ever do! Please change back to the old Jarrod. Please don't think I hate you in any way, shape or form, or that I am being the wanker, because I'm not, It just hurts me to think you aren't there for me anymore.
Anywho! I never ended up talking to him because he was a little bit preoccupied. So I sent him a message, and I never quit. In this message I told him that I basically don't want to come back until I get back from Australia. Honestly, I am not sure what I want to do at all. like most of me wants to quit because I hate going to work feeling disrespected and like I am only there because they have no one else. We should treat each other like family, like what we are, what we were. I used to love going to work to see everyone, and to catch up with all the news, I used to like going in an hour early just to chill out with everyone, I used to like staying behind and having a beer after work, and now I can't wait to see the door close at the end of my shift. Now I feel like I am just a number, I don't even feel human.
The other part of me still loves my job, I love the people I work with, we are family and even families have their fair shares of ups and downs. I am just so stuck with what to do.
I can almost guarantee I will get an abusive phone call tomorrow morning asking why I let Antony take the key home, I didn't let him, he took it, without me knowing. But I bet you I will still get into shit for it.
Tonight once we finished work Antony, Nikkita and I went over to The Bog for a drink, I only had a Lemon Lime and Bitters because I had to drive, so I missed out on a lovely ice cold beer. It was cool. Nikkita and I have decided we will go to quiz night tomorrow... that will be interesting, but I can tell you right now that it would not be as fun as it was when KatDan were quizzing it. But it should be an interesting night. I will make sure I update you tomorrow.
While we were over at The Bog, I ran into Greg. If you don't remember who Greg is, he is the guy that took over my bar on Sunday night and made me shots and drinks because it looked like I was stressed to the max! We got really, really drunk and had a really good night. Anyway, I ran in to him and we have been messaging each other all night, I am thinking I am starting to get a little school girls crush on him.I don't know why though. Don't get me wrong, he is pretty cute, and a lovely person I just don't know why. Is it because I feel lonely? I haven't got a clue... I don't feel lonely, is that why? I am so confused. I don't know if it is a good thing or a bad thing. It just seems these days, as soon as I get my hopes up, something finds it's way to let me down.
I have two perfect examples,
Mischael! We got on so well, we wouldn't go an hour without talking to each other, I have no idea what happened, but I never see him anymore, and I hardly hear from him at all. everyone thought we were, or would get together, he used to come all the way into town while I was at work just to see m,e, and just to see how my day was going, now I go weeks without him speaking to me and when I message it would be a shock for me to get a reply from him. I miss him so much! He was the reason I went out, and became a bit more social. He was my first new friend here, he showed me it's fun to go out get really drunk and watch the same episode of breaking bad 100 times before we got sick of it.
Nathan! He promised me he would come down to Adelaide and pick me up when I go over in a couple of weeks. He is my best friend, and when he promised me, I thought he meant it. I was so excited for him to come and get me, and we were supposed to have the whole weekend in Adelaide before we went back to Roxby. If you know what we were like, we were basically inseperable. Wherever I was, he was. Wherever he was, I was. That's just the way it was. Then he told my little brother a week ago, that he wasn't coming to get me and waited until today to tell me. What would have happened if I had decided to get a hotel? What would have happened if I had made plans for us to go places and do cool things? It just feels like I am putting a whole lot of effort into something he doesn't even care about anymore. It's just little things like that, that hurt me alot. It affects me. I hate how it does, but I can't help it. Like it absolutley broke my heart when he wrote in my 21st book andd all he wrote was Hi <3 Tui I actually cried.
I just get to the point in thinking what is the use of trying? It all seems to blow up in my face one way or another. I really hate being in these kinds of moods. All I want to do now is watch a sad movie like Charlie St Cloud or Remember Me, even though it will make me cry like a baby and feel even worse about myself. When I should be watching something I love that makes me laugh so hard like Just Go With It.
So while I was styping this feeling sad, lonley and depressed I got a message from Greg, It made me smile, it was a stupid little message, didn't mean much, but it feels really nice having someone message you first for a change.
Current mood -- Tingly now!
Might go watch Just Go With It.