New me pt.2

Well where do I start? I really need to stop leaving it so long before I blog again!

Well it has been 5 months since the last time I posted on here.

We will start with work, I was enjoying it until now. Its not just me who feels like this either. Gerald the President of the Trotting club is the most horrible person I have ever met! He is a bully, not only to me, but my staff, he has even had my boss in tears. He thinks because he has money, he has the right to run the place, but soon enough he will find out that he isn't!

Ever since I have started he has wanted to get rid of me, so that his precious little wife Rose can take my job. Well to be quite honest with you, I don't even care anymore! She can have it! I am currently looking for something new, since my boss isn't working alongside us anymore (Gerald's doing) there aren't many places that would have a report in the incident report log that is about the President of the Trotting Club, but sure enough, we do! He treats everyone around him like disposable pieces of rubbish. I am sick of it an I am finally putting my foot down.

I have been offered a job in Naesby, at one of the hotels there. I think I might take it. Shane and I are going to have a look at what it is like up there on our next day off. Who is Shane you ask? Shane is the cute boy I work with that was mentioned in my last post. Well what an interesting 5 months we have had! we got super close and then didn't talk for a bit and now we are better than ever! we have decided that we are only young once, so we are moving to Adelaide in August. It is a huge move for the both of us, but because we know we have each other we know that we will be sweet. I am so excited! I am also freaking out, but its not an adventure if it isn't scary right?

I found out that my oldest brother Richard, and his girlfriend Jess are due to have a baby girl in June, so that's exciting, I will be over in July to meet her and then come back for a week and then move over with Shane. Ebby is due to have my nephew in July which will be awesome too.

Since I work at the racecourse, the TAB come in on race nights to change the totes and that over, which is cool. I have met the coolest guy doing so. His name is Scott, he is a bit of a geek and a few years older than me, and he has a son. But race nights are my favourite nights :)

My sister and her husband are now split. She is now with someone my age, and James is doing his best to have the girls. She is useless. I am more of a mother to the kids than she is. But hey, life goes on. James is doing a great job and I will be there when he need help.

Speaking of kids, I recently found out that I can't have children, which absolutely shattered my dreams, but as I said before, Life goes on, and everything happens for a reason. I have only told one person, and that was Sammy, one of my best friends that I work with here. I haven't even told my parents, and I don't want to. What if they think I am a failure? Wouldn't it just be easier saying I don't want kids?

But yeah, other than that it's getting pretty exciting! I can't wait to start my new adventure with Shane.


Cherrio!

New Me

Well... So much has happened since the last time I posted on this site. I am not quite sure where to start,

In May I was offered a new job as a Bar Manager, and after careful consideration, I decided to take it. It was honestly the best think I have ever done for myself. I handed my notice in at the Robbie and moved on, and haven't looked back since.

During this time I had the most amazing birthday, my sister Ebby, her fiance Jock and their beautiful daughter Sophia came over for a holiday and for my birthday. I miss them so much. I started my job while they were here. On my first day I was super nervous. I felt as though I would be the odd one out as everyone kind of knew each other prior to me starting. But sure enough Ebby told me that I would do fine and I did. I came straight back to the hotel after work and told them all about my day. From the regulars to the cute boy I met that I worked with.

Five months later and I am still loving it. We are a family there. It is fantastic. As for the boy, I am not 100% sure on what we are. He is the most caring and adorable guy I know. We have gotten very close which I love. We have been away to Queenstown together, and have been talking about going up to Blenheim for the weekend at some stage in the near future. I don't really think either of us know what we are up to. One thing me and everyone else around me knows is that we both really like each other. But I think we are both too scared to do anything about it because we work together and if something goes wrong it would be awkward. But I do hope to get closer to him. He is the first person I have felt completely comfortable around, and he has also seen me without make up and I didn't feel ugly. Which is a big thing in this day and age. Another plus is he has met my crazy family and he likes them, and they all love him. I have told him secrets I haven't told anyone else. He has done the same to me.

My sister Bex..
Where do I start here? I have no idea what she is doing with her life!!!  She is throwing it away!
She has a beautiful family and she thinks it is better to just go and throw it away! She is on Tinder, meeting up with boys, stalking boys and quite frankly being a skank! She thinks it is great.
She has lost her real friends and most of her family over it. I haven't heard from her for nearly two months now. And to be honest, I don't even miss her. I am finally living my life how I should be, not revolving it around her.
I now have my own house, amazing friends a great social life, and no not the go out and get drunk all the time, but like a go to play golf kind of way and I don't think I could get any happier,

A couple of my work mates are here for a cuppa now.
Will write again soon

Peace out

I'm Sorry.

So I am unsure if anyone actually reads this thing but I think it is time for some apologies.
Yesterday, when I was sitting at the Bog alone, I realised I haven't been the nicest person, and I definitely haven't been the best version of myself I could be. Sitting here listening to Frank Sinatra has given me the idea to write this. So here it goes.

Ebonee-

I am sorry I am not there for you like I should be, and I am sorry it isn't easy having me so far away. What I would do to be able to jump on a plane and surprise you and Sophia.I am sorry that I am not there for Sophia like I promised, remember I said if you ever got pregnant we could run away and I would help you! Believe me when I say this, you guys are always welcome here, and I will try my hardest to live up to that promise. I would like to say I am sorry for hardly being there when you had Sophia. I hate that I only got to be there for one day, but believe me when I say, you were the reason I came over, and it hurt me so  much that I hardly saw the both of you, and if I could I would go back in time, just so I could be there more than I was the first time. I am sorry I got jealous of Corrine. It hurt me that you were so close with her, because you  were all I had and I didn't want you to replace me with her. As the time has passed, I have realised that I was stupid to think that because no matter what we go through, we always seem to get past it, and it somehow makes us closer. I love you and Sophia so much, I promise to try my hardest at being there whenever you need me, and don't forget I am only a phone call away! xx


Kat-

I am sorry that NZ didn't work out for you. I am sorry I wasn't the nicest person, but you hurt me, so much, I never felt so uncomfortable in my own space, or with my own friends. You abusing my workmates because you didn't get staff pricing (You didn't work there) refusing to pay, then telling me infront of my friends that I am a horrible person and Mischael doesn't even like me, he feels sorry for me hurt me. I cried for hours over that. I don't know why it upset me so much, he is and will always be the best friend/ person I have ever met here. He was my first friend, and he has treated me so well. You burning Matt my security guard outside of work on the face with your cigarette was way out of line, and so uncalled for. You coming into my work after my aunt died saying you wanted to say something smart about it but you didn't because you felt like being nice, how kind of you. Sitting at the bog, you ditching me for randoms, telling them how much of a shit person I was, was super fun for me too. I feel like you moving back to Aus was the best thing that could have happened, and I am sorry for saying it was the best thing that has happened in a while. I am sorry it didn't work out for us, but I hope you have an amazing life with people who understand your ways.


Kirsty-

I am sorry for never giving you the time of day. I realised yesterday when I saw you, that you weren't the bad person I wanted to believe you were because I was jealous you stole the heart of the guy I have loved since I met. Yesterday when I seen you, without make up and you were actually talking and joking around with the bar staff, I finally figured out it wasn't your fault, it was mine! I am sorry for being rude and assuming you were a bitch. I sincerely apologise, and I am glad that you have made Greg the happiest he has been for a long time! Again, I am sorry, I never should have judged you before I knew you. I hope we can put all of this behind us and start fresh.

Goodbye

So today is the day I leave Roxby Downs!
I am horrible with goodbyes, I deal with them in two ways,
Way one; I blubber, and howl and cry like a big baby while saying goodbye.
or
Way two; I act tough until I am alone, until I can't take the pain of being sad anymore, and burst into tears, usually in an airport toilet, and I come out of the cubical looking like a dirty crack whore that has just snorted lines off the toilet seat.

We are leaving here early hours of tomorrow morning. I don't even know how I am going to say goodbye to Jakobi, Alexis and Tonya.
I would like to say a massive thank you to them for letting me stay with them, and Kobi for letting me sleep in his racecar bed. I have had such an amazing time and can't wait to see you again.

So it's snowing in Dunedin at the moment, so that will be a shock!! It has been so hot here!!

I love road trips! I can't wait! I have a playlist and snacks sorted!

I get to catch up with Kat tomorrow which will be amazing!! Feels like I haven't seen her in forever!!

Super Excited!!

D

I feel weird! Like not sure what I am supposed to do.

I am excited to go home! But when I get home what is going to happen? 

Like when I left, I loved it, I just got home from quiz night and a few drinks. 

The last person I spoke to was Greg, he gave me a kiss and said see you when you get home. 

Well I have been in Australia for a month, I got one snapchat from him and that is all! I messaged him on Saturday and I never got anything back. So I don't think he will 'see' me when I get home! I have heard from Jeff, his work mate more than I have heard from Greg, which is a bit sad! 

Also,

Completely different subject, I would like to apologize to Antony, I always go on about how much of a dick he is, but I was wrong, he is actually a really nice and amazing person. I think he just sucks to work with. He has probably been one of my truest friends since I started at the Robbie. 

That is all, just had to get that off my mind.

D

So where do I start?

Well my holidays are almost at the end. I have enjoyed my time in Roxby Downs! I love being able to wake up in the same town as my beautiful Niece and Nephew. I had an amazing time catching up with old friends, and making new ones. Last night we had a little shindig at Nathan and Steven's house, like a housewarming/ my going away! It was great! I challenged Matt. I told him I could finish a bottle of vodka before he could. Well to my surprise, he actually finished it. I did too, but that isn't unusual. He was so drunk though, I wouldn't challenge him again. When he gets drunk he gets annoying. We went to the club at 11.30 I had a drink but I think I realized that the Roxby club isn't really my thing anymore. I don't know whether it's because I think I have grown up a bit, or I'm just used to chilled out pub sessions back home, but from the minute I got there it was all drama and annoying drunk people. Alex didn't come to the BBQ last night because she had a hens night. She ended up showing up at like 8.30 going mental at Andrew and took Sofia away. When I got to the club she went on and on about how much of an irresponsible wanker Andrew is. I was there and Andrew was fine. She wasn't only bitching to me, she was telling pretty much the whole club. I don't see how it is anyone but their business. But, that's none of my business I guess.
So there is only three more days until we jump in the car and head down to Adelaide for the night. I can't wait. I can't wait because, I can't wait to see Kat, I can't wait to get in that plane the next morning and have the trip of a lifetime. I can't wait to catch up with Peter. I can't wait to go home and start our new adventures.
So since I have been in Australia, I haven't really heard from Greg, like at all! I heard from him once and that was it. I messaged him last night, it said he seen it, but never got a reply. So I have no idea what is going on there.
I have been talking to Jarrod quite a lot since I have been here because he was going through a tough time with Jazz. He got drunk and they were having a fight and he accidentally slammed her hand in the door. She spent 8 hours in A&E and he was so drunk he couldn't function enough to even take her down there. Usually I would have been like well that is your issue mate! Fix it yourself,  but there is something about them two that make me believe in love. The way he looks at her, the way he smiles when he talks about her. But she left town and told him not to ever talk to him again. He was just falling apart, and apparently I was the only one he could open up to about it. So I helped him out, and now they are talking, not back together but they are talking and she is back in town now, so that's a start. He booked Bluestone (My favorite band) to play at work, as a little thank you! So I am stoked!
To be honest, I am quite excited to go back to work! I didn't think I would be, but I think a break done me the world of good.
Bring on Thursday! Can't wait to get home!

D

Dear Future Husband...

Dear future husband,

Here's a few things you'll need to know,
(Yes I know that's part of a song but hey, it works)

I need you to say you love me, everyday, even if I am being a total cunt! Leave me cute little notes. The lamer they are the cuter I will think it is.
I need you to message or call me out of the blue just to see what I am doing. I will do the same for you.
You need to ask my parents for my hand in marriage, It is lame, and even though I know they will say yes, I have watched a few chick flicks and think it is the cutest. I don't mean message them, I mean go and see them, and if they are in another country, Skype them.
Give me space, don't be too clingy, let me go out for girls nights, let me go out drinking with my work mates, no need to worry because you will be the one I come home to every time. I will do the same for you. If we can't have our own lives we will turn into a grumpy old couple. No one wants that.
Take me on date nights, even if it is only once a month. Put the effort in, never stop wowing me. When I get dressed up, tell me I look beautiful. I will probably come back with something like you are such a gay cunt, but what I really mean is thank you.
You will need to laugh at my dad jokes and puns. You will need to accept I am a crazy cat lady! They are gorgeous, fluffy and cuddly. I just cant flaw them. My ideal husband would be a crazy cat ladyman but hey that's no biggie.
Don't be embarrassed to act like a fool in public with me. Don't be embarrassed when I cry through a movie. I am weird and will sit there and sob at the lamest part of a movie, feel free to cry with me. Haha. I am weird,  you will like it! Haha.
Speak your mind, if you don't like something, instead of getting angry, lets sort it out.
Remind me you aren't going to run away when times get hard.
Lets go away for the weekend or night, with no technology, play games and just chat.
Try and teach me something new, like snowboarding or ice skating. Even if I suck, suck with me. If I am cold, share your jacket with me. Ask me to be your plus one to weddings and events.
Surprise me with little things. Even if you just pick a flower out the garden, or bring me a coffee. It's the simple things in life. Listen to music with me, don't be afraid to sing along at the top of your lungs when we are in the car or even in public.
Just know that I am a geek and love watching Iron Man and other Marvel movies. It will not annoy you when I mouth the whole movie word for word, on my favorite movies.
Just know that when I watch some things or listen to some songs it makes me sooky and I just sit and sob or feel sorry for myself, call me a wanker and lets get on with it! There isn't anything wrong with me I just get so into the video or lyrics, and feel like I am living it, as I have said I am weird.
I will listen to some songs and sit there and smile like an idiot, remembering good times.
If I don't like someone, it doesn't mean you have to hate them, depending on who it is, it would probably be a good choice if you did! Haha. You should probably know that me and Kat come as a package deal, so we will be doing double dates, and games nights.
Don't say no when I want to play singstar, I can't sing but I love it, and it is hilarious.
Please don't say anything about me going drinking, even if I go out with my guy friends, I will always come back to you. You are the one I want, not them. Don't forget that!

Finally, Make me feel loved. I want to be doing something and when I look up I want you to be staring at me with a smile on your face. I am a creep so you know I will do that to you! When I walk down that isle, I hope the look on your face will say 'That's the most beautiful girl in the world and she's mine'.

I am old school. I prefer to stay in and play board games other than going to a fancy restaurant.

Love,

Your future wife
x